General Chat / Scenes from a Hat

"Those fools...they all thought i was innocent...*shakes head*"

Today, I felt myself.

Fell off again.
Appointment tommorow.

Prince found my nose in toilet again today. I gave him $5. Its great when kids do their chors.

Note to self: Must remember to make beds lower to the carpet.

Day 1: "Little boys have much more uses than I though."

And the nod this round goes to:

Concerning Stains: Only Surf Xtra gets whites ultra-white.

Inappropriate topics for the President's State of the Union address.

Hilary's Flatulence Problem.

talk about personal problems, and his relationship with other women.

"I have successfully exceeded the world reacord for one night stands. Thank You. Vote for me."

The French.

"Ladies and gentleman. Tonight, I come before you to discuss the state of Ira--YES!!! RANGERS TRADED AWAY A-ROD!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!! THAT'S SPECTASTIC!!!!"

Making false messages to kill a celebertiy.(Thanx Mad Tv )

My fellow Americans, I come before you this evening with a situation of grave concern to our national security. It has come to the attention of intelligence officials that the recent cases of SARS and Mad Cow in Canada are part of a growing terror threat from the evil-doers to the north. We will give the Canadians one month to destroy all stock piles of these biological weapons of mass destruction and all potential carriers of said weapons. At the end of this one month period, we will commence the 'Shock and Eh' campaign against this northern threat regardless of their compliance with our demands...

The economy.

"My fellow Americans"...(waits for aplause)..."the time has come"...aplause...."to"....aplause...."oh God! will you all just sit down and listen?!!!!

Sadaam's sperm bank donations

Rapping.

Examples of the worst cop ever.

"We've got 10 min. until the doughnut place opens. Put on the siren and floor it."

Officer Dan: "Mike...what are you eating?"

Officer Mike: "Uh...i fat-free dougnut."

Officer Dan: "...what?"