General Chat / Pirate Stories!

Make Yer Own Pirate Story!

Arrrgh! It's Me Own Piratey Tale!
The Story of Joeybeard Pirate.

Once upon a time there was a pirate named Joeybeard--the book-est, funky-est, carrot that ever sailed the twenty-nine Seas! After a soupy trousers two seconds of moonwalking, he sailed back to Funtastic Island to recover his buried treasure. Finally, after he destroyed for two hundred and three millimetres, he stumbled upon a large 'J' in the sand. Joeybeard began to Strip down to the treasure. 'Yoho!' he said. When he opened the treasure guinea-pig, Joeybeard found that it was full of gumdrops. 'Avast Ye!' he said. Then, Joeybeard got back into his shagpile rug and skanked off into the sunset.

THE END

Arrrgh! It's Me Own Piratey Tale!
The Story of Chrisbeard Pirate.

Once upon a time there was a pirate named Chrisbeard--the cheeseiest, stupidest, Bird that ever sailed the 1 Seas! After a funny week of terrorizing, he sailed back to Annoying Island to recover his buried treasure. Finally, after he ran for 5 inches, he stumbled upon a large 'S' in the sand. Chrisbeard began to Cut down to the treasure. 'garrr!' he said. When he opened the treasure cat, Chrisbeard found that it was full of cabins. 'matey' he said. Then, Chrisbeard got back into his ship and saw off into the sunset.

THE END.x

"The Story of Mattbeard Pirate.

Once upon a time there was a pirate named Mattbeard--the sexiest, smallest, trog that ever sailed the 4 Seas! After a disgusting week of sucking, he sailed back to Hairy Island to recover his buried treasure. Finally, after he fell for 79 feet, he stumbled upon a large 'X' in the sand. Mattbeard began to smoke down to the treasure. 'bugger me!' he said. When he opened the treasure mouse, Mattbeard found that it was full of flies. 'shiver me timbers!' he said. Then, Mattbeard got back into his scotch egg and dissected off into the sunset.

THE END."

The Story of crustybeard Pirate.

Once upon a time there was a pirate named crustybeard--the crustiest, crab infested, vagina that ever sailed the 0.124 Seas! After a runned yonk of fucking, butch sailed back to Bright Island to recover butch buried treasure. Finally, after butch shaved for 7 cm, butch stumbled upon a large 'chocolate pudding' in the sand. crustybeard began to wanking down to the treasure. 'FECK!' butch said. When butch opened the treasure mineral, crustybeard found that it was full of Knights who say "NEE!". 'bugger!' butch said. Then, crustybeard got back into butch dildo and ran like a poof off into the sunset.

typical 14-year-old

The Story of Davidbeard Pirate.

Once upon a time there was a pirate named Davidbeard--the smartest, sexiest, fudge that ever sailed the fourteen Seas! After a sexy hour of Drying, he sailed back to Simple Island to recover his buried treasure. Finally, after he bowled for twelve kilograms, he stumbled upon a large 'B' in the sand. Davidbeard began to reach down to the treasure. 'ARR MATEY!' he said. When he opened the treasure guitar, Davidbeard found that it was full of programs. 'SCREW ME IN THE ARSE WITH ME WOODEN LEG!' he said. Then, Davidbeard got back into his doggy and ran off into the sunset.

THE END

The Story of Drewbeard Pirate.

Once upon a time there was a pirate named Drewbeard--the hottest, longest, schlong that ever sailed the 10 Seas! After a sleepy day of sleeping, he sailed back to Boring Island to recover her buried treasure. Finally, after he slept for 10 inches, he stumbled upon a large 'A' in the sand. Drewbeard began to screw down to the treasure. 'Hey!' he said. When he opened the treasure pussycat, Drewbeard found that it was full of chicks. 'Fuck you!' he said. Then, Drewbeard got back into her pussycat and ran off into the sunset.

THE END

The Story of Turtlemanbeard Pirate.

Once upon a time there was a pirate named Turtlemanbeard--the poopiest, saltiest, ground that ever sailed the 13 Seas! After a cool month of swashing, he sailed back to Yellow Island to recover his buried treasure. Finally, after he worked for 12 light-years, he stumbled upon a large 'F' in the sand. Turtlemanbeard began to run down to the treasure. 'FUCK!' he said. When he opened the treasure monkey, Turtlemanbeard found that it was full of kids. 'MEH!' he said. Then, Turtlemanbeard got back into his duck and ran off into the sunset.

THE END.

I think I got it figured out...

Arrrgh! It's Me Own Piratey Tale!
The Story of Longbeard Pirate.

Once upon a time there was a pirate named Longbeard--the ugliest, wickedest, landlubber that ever sailed the seven Seas! After a ugly year of sailing, he sailed back to horrendous Island to recover his buried treasure. Finally, after he slept for a few days, he stumbled upon a large 'coconut' in the sand. Longbeard began to with a knife down to the treasure. 'har-har-har!!' he said. When he opened the treasure nut, Longbeard found that it was full of rotten milk. 'Dammit, I'm thirsty!' he said. Then, Longbeard got back into his liferaft and blew off into the sunset.

THE END.x

Arrrgh! It's Me Own Piratey Tale!
The Story of Markbeard Pirate.

Once upon a time there was a pirate named Markbeard--the bestest, evillest, WME that ever sailed the seven Seas! After a Great Decade of disco-ing, he sailed back to Evil Island to recover his buried treasure. Finally, after he passed out for 68 minutes, he stumbled upon a large 'X' in the sand. Markbeard began to Ding-dong down to the treasure. 'Goddamn Hore!' he said. When he opened the treasure harem, Markbeard found that it was full of Chicks. 'Hellooooo honeys!' he said. Then, Markbeard got back into his nest and Fucked off into the sunset.

THE END.x

Arrrgh! It's Me Own Piratey Tale!
The Story of Markbeard Pirate.

Once upon a time there was a pirate named Markbeard--the bestest, evillest, WME that ever sailed the seven Seas! After a Great Decade of disco-ing, he sailed back to Evil Island to recover his buried treasure. Finally, after he passed out for 68 minutes, he stumbled upon a large 'X' in the sand. Markbeard began to Ding-dong down to the treasure. 'Goddamn Hore!' he said. When he opened the treasure harem, Markbeard found that it was full of Chicks. 'Hellooooo honeys!' he said. Then, Markbeard got back into his nest and Fucked off into the sunset.

THE END.x

Beautiful...a tale for the centuries..

Arrrgh! It's Me Own Piratey Tale!
The Story of Joeybeard Pirate.

Once upon a time there was a hooker named Joystick--the sexy-est, slutti-est, blow-up doll that ever sailed the twenty-one Seas! After a long two hours of selling herself, he walked back to her scungy old flat to recover her vibrating treasure. Finally, after she oragsmed for two minutes, she stumbled upon a hole in her floor. Joystick began to Strip down to cool off. 'Yoho!' she said. When she peered down the hole, Joystick found that it was full of gumdrops. 'Avast Ye!' She said. Then, Joystick got back into her shagpile skirt and skanked off into the sunset.

THE END

Whatever...

Arrrgh! It's Me Own Piratey Tale!
The Story of Pussybeard Pirate.

Once upon a time there was a pirate named Pussybeard--the hairiest, furriest, bitch that ever sailed the 69 Seas! After a sweaty round of gangbanging, she sailed back to Sexual Island to recover her buried treasure. Finally, after she masturbated for 2 hours, she stumbled upon a large 'F' in the sand. Pussybeard began to cleaned down to the treasure. 'My Muff!' she said. When she opened the treasure vagina, Pussybeard found that it was full of insects. 'Gross!' she said. Then, Pussybeard got back into her penis shaped boat and rowed off into the sunset.

THE END.

Once upon a time there was a pirate named Billy Bob Joebeard--the sugarest, biggest, dog that ever sailed the 44 Seas! After a fast day of jerking, he sailed back to Sugarest Island to recover her buried treasure. Finally, after he ran for 44 leagues, he stumbled upon a large 'A' in the sand. Billy Bob Joebeard began to Run down to the treasure. 'Dang!' he said. When he opened the treasure cat, Billy Bob Joebeard found that it was full of dogs. 'Bang!' he said. Then, Billy Bob Joebeard got back into her car and walked off into the sunset.