General Chat / Depression

This isn't great timing because you're all busy with H2H but I think it's time for me to tell people on this site what I'm currently going through for any sort of help or advice. It's getting worse for me.

 

I haven't really gave any personal info to anyone on this site but I still feel I know some of you well. I want to tell you guys because this is a great community and I don't want tell anyone in real life.

 

I am a 16 year old that suffers from depression and anxiety. I am in no way bullied and I have great family and friends but my lack of any social life and my introverted lifestyle has damaged me mentally and emotionally. Everyday I feel constantly worthless and hopeless and I fear that it will never change. My GCSEs are in four weeks and I haven't revised for any of them simply because my emotions have led me to not even care anymore. I am an A/B student and I fear that I won't do the best of my ability simply because I can't concentrate on any sort of revision and I don't even have the motivation to do to it in the first place.

 

I'm going to sixth form in the same school after. I hope to meet new people and maybe break out of my shell. But if I can't because of my social anxiety I fear that I'll go seriously depressed. The only thing that really keeps me going is the possible future where I'll have a great social life and a loving boyfriend but if that never happens I don't know what I'll do...

 

Some of you may not care about this and think I probably sound pathetic but it feels great to just let out my internal conflict. Yes, it's a rollercoaster tycoon fansite but you're all still people. Maybe some of you have gone through the same thing and will be able to give advice to help me through this tough time.

 

Thanks.

i really feel for you man, i've been in the same boat as you. talking about it does help though, and us friendly strangers you know from the internet can only do so much, is there a friend you have who you could feel comfortable with sharing this? you'd be suprised about how much those around you really care. I definitely get it that you don't want to share this with your parents though, and seeing a psychologist might be good but that varies from person to person a lot (not my thing i gotta say though, but that has more to do with the way it's done with insurance and mental healthcare here in the netherlands).

 

i really hope things get better for you, stay strong

I feel like I can relate to you on a lot of your issues, especially as a fellow gay brit. I don't want to just leave a generic comment to you though because I want you to know that I do truly care about you and your situation.

I wouldn't worry about your introverted lifestyle, it's nothing to be ashamed of, I myself have a very introverted lifestyle and it's about how you deal with it and how you see it yourself, start thinking of it as a positive thing in your life rather than a negative, particularly if you have a great supportive family and friends like you say you do, and of course you also have a supportive community here for you

I didn't care for my GCSEs for the same reasons as you and failed to revise for any of them. I regret this as I ended up with Cs rather than the straight As I deserve, so do try and bring yourself to revise for them, is there anyone you can revise with? If you don't revise for them then just try your best, GCSEs are so minute in your life, they seem like a bit deal now but I can assure you in the future they are nothing. I'm studying architecture in a decent uni after giving up at GCSE level, so even if you don't do well in them now, it doesn't mean your future will be crappy because of it.

Keep looking to the future! But don't worry about it, life sorts itself out as long as you look after yourself. I don't have a boyfriend myself, but I live such a happy life now unlike I did previously. Just keep doing what you want to do, live your life how you want to and don't let anyone else put you down. I'm sure you are a young guy with a great personality and the right guy will be out there somewhere, you've just got to enjoy your life and wait for him to appear

If you need someone to talk to about anything, you know I am here for you. PM me, facebook me, text me, whatever dude, you only have to ask me for my info and I'll give you all the time in the world

Man, I really feel for you Poke, as I also struggle with these things a lot myself.

 

For me, ironically enough, I realized that the more I am isolated and alone which is usually what I think I want, the more depressed and introverted I've felt. When I go out and about even if it is with one good friend those darker thoughts usually subside, and I become more extroverted and overall happier in life. Initially it was hard to agree to go out and socialize with people, but now I am getting more and more used to it, and I must say I think it really benefits me. I hope that you would consider trying something similar to this as I think it would really benefit you as well!

 

If you need someone to talk to about anything Poke, please do not hesitate to pm me. I promise you I understand what you're going through and I sincerely want to help, as I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone, even my own worst enemy. 

Hey Poke,

 

Social anxiety is a hell of an obstacle to overcome, and it's no easier when you're dealing with the major transitions in your life in terms of your academic, personal, and romantic lives. I know what it's like to get into your own head day after day tearing yourself down or driving yourself to anxiety, and I know that it's almost debilitating when you feel alone even surrounded by a network of family and friends. When I was your age, I felt the same exact way, and still feel that way to an extent; my recent breakup pretty much knocked the wind out of me and killed my motivation for a while, and it's still hard having my ex on my mind almost all of the time.

 

Just know that, as cheesy as this will sound, it does get better, and that comes from your life taking shifts. Right now, you're still going through school, and you're dealing with the same people that you've known and dealing with the same situations; it's easy in those circumstances for the social anxiety to really stagnate and fester because it's feeding off of the same conditions. However, once your situation changes, there's an opportunity to reverse things. As you get older and start going to university, maybe in a different city, you have the chance to reassess yourself and effectively reinvent yourself. I wasn't comfortable in my skin while in high school (equivalent schooling era to the one you're in) and it took me going to university to really start to gain confidence and understand myself, both in terms of my sexuality and my social awareness. Don't get me wrong, I'm still incredibly introverted and keep to my closer circle of friends, but growing up and maturing will bring you some increased self-awareness that should help carry you better through your social life.

 

Just know that eventually you'll find some happiness, whether it's in a relationship or self-assurance. It just takes some time to find that self-assurance, and that often ends up being facilitated through major transitions in your life. For me, going to university and moving out of a suburban town allowed me to better understand myself and my sexuality, gain some self-confidence, meet a great guy, and while that didn't end well and I'm still going through the aftershocks of that, I know more about myself and my relationship to others; it's that experience and self-assurance that helps me overcome my social anxiety.

 

Know that NE is a fantastic community, and our relatively-niche interest allows us to be a tight-knit community. We're all here for you, and I'd be more than glad to talk through things with you, since I see a lot of my prior experiences in what you're going through. Please please please don't hesitate to contact me on here for contact info if you ever want to talk or vent or just have some reassurance that you're merely going through a transnational period in your life and that things will get better.

These past few days and weeks have been total shit for me to.

I was the opposite of what rob said, I loved High School, did fairly well in classes, had close knit friends, etc. It was a pretty solid time for me. Since then I've just gone to a community college to save money and because I didn't really know what j wanted to do. Over time I found the route I wanted to go bu have ended up doing very poorly at community and ruined most of my chances of being able to transfer elsewhere at the moment. School just leaves me incredibly depressed and down about myself. And I've not made any new friends and the ones I had have gone elsewhere.

So now I've got no idea what to do about my education and future and its just left me incredibly down recently. Fuck. I don't know.

I thought I helped you out Austin? lol

 

Message me dude if you need to talk

I'm going to sixth form in the same school after. I hope to meet new people and maybe break out of my shell. But if I can't because of my social anxiety I fear that I'll go seriously depressed. The only thing that really keeps me going is the possible future where I'll have a great social life and a loving boyfriend but if that never happens I don't know what I'll do...

 

 

I wish I could say something uplifting like Robbie or Louis but I don't know much about dealing with depression so I may not be much help. Depression is very complex and I know nothing about it... based on my experience though, I'll say this, maybe it applies here and maybe it doesn't, I don't really know but I hate to hear of anyone being so depressed so hopefully in some dumb way my little pep talk helps. lol

 

You've probably heard this a lot and at this point you probably want to punch everyone who tells you what I'm about to tell you in the face but trust me... you meet new friends (and boyfriends / girlfriends) when you least expect it. Stop trying so hard and it WILL happen.

 

I was always pretty quiet and I kept to myself. I never went out to huge social gatherings to make friends (it's never been my scene and it sounds like we have something in common there) but I've still made some great friends without even trying. I've met lifelong friends at work, or even doing something as unassuming as taking out the garbage in my apartment complex and running into someone with a Phillies hat on prompting me to shoot the shit about sports (seriously... we're driving 5 hours in 2 weeks to go to this guy's wedding, he's one of my best friends now and that's how we met).

 

I met my future wife one night listening to a podcast about baseball in my room when I lived at home going to a commuter college. Now she moved 12 hours away from home to live with me and I make 12 hour drives down to North Carolina all the time (though the last one was totally just an excuse to ride Fury 325 while pretending it was to go visit the future in-laws lol). I never went looking for any of this but if you would have told me 5 years ago that this would be my life I NEVER would have believed you... not in a million years.

 

Neither of those times I was going out to social gatherings or doing anything where I expected to make a new friend. That's what I mean when I say that it just kind of happens... you don't need to pressure yourself or try so hard all the time. You'll just keep beating yourself down.

 

Just be yourself, stop trying so hard and things will get better. Trust me.

Thank you for all of your kind words. It means a lot. I love you all.

 

I'm back at school now, and it's great to see people again. I still feel outcast-ed by some of the people I know however I do have some very close friends and it's fun to talk to them again.

 

I think I've decided to take part in this programme called NCS  in the summer which is basically a 4 week (I think) period of developing skills for work and life and meeting new people for 15-17 year olds. It involves leaving home and taking part in a group project in the local community. This should help me a lot and maybe I'll make new friends. . That's if my anxiety can take it haha. Some of my friends are going as well but I don't know if I'll be able to see them.

 

So yeah, once again, many thanks.

 

 

I'm currently battling depression myself, and clawing my way out of it.  Slowly.  And that's the thing that I think I had trouble with at first.  You're going to get through this, but it probably won't be instant.  You won't just wake up one day and think "hey I'm not depressed anymore!" as nice as that would be.  In my experience with battling depression I've found that just learning to recognize that it is there, and learning to sit with it and not let it consume me has done wonders towards getting better (this was something I learned from a therapist which I do strongly recommend but realize it is not for everyone).  It may be a long an uncomfortable road but you will get better.  It seems like you've taken great strides towards getting better, and opening up is a great first step as well.  We may all be random internet friends but that doesn't mean we can't help out!  I can only echo what everyone else has said and if you need yet another person to talk to just send me a pm and I'll be glad to talk with you.  Just keep pushing forward and reach for the future you want and you'll get there, even if it's not via the original plan you had in mind.

This is also shit that i've dealt with for quite some time, more of an insecurity even that I don't fit in as an introvert into a seemingly extraverted world. I can already tell you that relationships of any kind are crucial to getting past this and coping with the anxieties that you may face.

I've been reading everyone's posts over the last few days. I really feel bad for those of you who are, or have, struggled with deep depression. Like coasterbill, I haven't personally had to deal with that on a deeper level. I mean everyone deals with some depression in life, just as we roll with the punches, but more serious depression can be very challenging. I've kind of wanted to say something, because I've seen people come out of depressions, I have even been able to help some personally. I realize everyone has their own opinion on this topic, but I have personally found that spirituality can prove to be a real strength to those that deal with depression. Many don't believe in God (and the numbers are growing rapidly), some are unsure, and others have a strong faith. By the way, I'm not talking specifically about religion, but more about having a personal relationship with our creator. Anyway, I'm just going to leave off my comment there. I don't intend to push any views on those that don't want to hear it, but at the same time I'd feel guilty if I didn't say anything. So if anyone wants to PM me, you're more than welcome to do so.

I know what you're feeling, Poke.  I've had depression since ~2005.  I've never had severe or suicidal depression, but it pretty much always has its hand pressing down on me.  I remember feeling weightless at an earlier part of my life and everything was effortless, but then I lost it.  I couldn't tell you a reason for it; that feeling just went away.

 

I can tell you the worst part of it is looking back, and thinking about the opportunities I missed just because I was depressed.  I wish I never gave myself this problem in the first place, and it sounds like you can still avoid this hole before you dig too deep.  It's easy for anyone to tell you these kind of things and offer advice, though.  If you're worse than just going through a hard time, what I just said won't change a damn thing.  I tell it to myself and it doesn't change a damn thing.  Neither will what anyone else has said.

 

You can't be diagnosed over the internet and we can't make your decision of how to handle your depression/anxiety.  You have to get through it the way you can get through it.  If you think working through it yourself will work, do that.  The advice others have offered might help you in this case.  If you think it's bad enough for you to need professional help, do that.

 

Don't read this as anything near the truth, as I've just described you shouldn't, but from your post it sounds more like you have anxiety.  That can definitely get you down, but I'd venture to guess if you can manage your anxiety, you'd find you don't feel depressed anymore.

You'll never know what brought you into your depression. You'll never know what brought you out, either. I think you simply need to choose to continue on every day, and it will, at some point, stop.  I wish I had a better answer, but it's the only real insight I can give you from my own dark times.

Don't be ashamed to seek help.  Everyone who can afford a therapist should have a therapist.

i have two different simultanuous anxiety disorders as well as long-term depresion and i second finding a therapist if you can pay. i think the most important thing to remember is that depression and anxiety are sicknesses, not moods or emotions. never beat yourself for feeling bad. and also i personally reccomend medication but thats just me

I think I might have been in a similar situation when I was younger.
If I remember rightly, my depression started when I was 14 years old. I recall having referred that age to a psychiatrist at a later date, although there has been a kind of melancholia before, which I thought was pretty normal.
I want to tell you about this, because there might be a little spurt of hope for you and others not to make the same mistakes.

I used to imagine ways to die, but rather in a romantic sense. For a long time it didn’t bother me at all what my brain was doing on its own. I had no other reference and was sure that people were usually going through such times. I never talked about it, as I thought it was simply unnecessary having in mind that this was the normality from my point of view. So I kept it to myself, not quite appearing to me that this was an exception.
I knew my whole life I was different, but not until my first identity crisis I really wanted to understand what was going on or what was wrong with me. That was when I asked my parents to turn to a psychiatrist on my behalf. I was 18 then. These years in between have been heavily affected by indecisiveness, vacillation and the downside trend in terms of emotion, social life and school performance. I was occupied with searching for answers that could help me overcome the large gap I was finding myself in eventually.
After my first visit at the psychiatrist, I was diagnosed with traits of Asperger. Still it seems like an uncertain diagnosis to me, because at 18 you’re far too old to be tested like a child and still too young to be tested like an adult. I’m happy that today I can say there’s no need for a name that stands for characteristics which don’t fit into society.

 

The last months of school were quite challenging, especially with A-levels in sight.
I was sad not to have been able to deliver top performance (at least the one I would have been capable of), but I never regret at all that I was spending my time in a different way. I used to think that by finishing school, things would work out.
I went abroad to India for a year to contribute to a community of people with disabilities (Let’s not talk about the political aspect of such a volunteer programme). It was a beneficial year for me. Like other young people in that age, it was mainly about whether one can exceed own limits and how far one can even go. Slipping into new roles, arising opportunities… Adolescent foolishness at its best.

This is exactly the point I want to get at with my story. After India, I went to a Norwegian facility for people with disabilities for another year with the feeling of foreboding arising that something will definitely happen then. Now you might think that my reactions are extremely sensitive and maybe they are not understandable or even unfathomable.
Things went out of control: The village was quarrelling since I came there. A bunch of disputers who call themselves adults, a widespread phenomenon I suppose. It started with my mood conforming to the morbid winter with 4-5 hours of sunshine per day at most, and slaughtering which I agreed to assist (I’m vegetarian however). The psychiatrist was speaking of a trauma, don’t know where that came from. I had roughly 3 hours of sleep each night and refused to fucking sleep. I simply could not find any rest, driven by something I was not able to reveal yet. I stopped eating for quite a while and slowly but steadily slipped into a world of hallucinations. It got so terrible when my environment started to talk to me. I obeyed these orders, I was torn inside. The strange thing about it was that I knew all along that it was me projecting inner conflicts onto everything that was around me. I could not resist and felt the urgent need to play along. It was so fascinating and captured all of me. It was a game after all. A horrifying one, as everything was pushing me further and finally forcing me into suiciding. This is hard to explain but basically means escaping the situation with all its factors, which seemed the only solution at that time. I had several attempts when I went into the sea, but somehow fearing the end and managing to get out again. You’re not ready when your mind is reduced to fear. 4°C at 3am can be seriously cold. Even though I did not feel any pain back then.
I had a person I could talk to (it was a complicated relationship based on falsifications all the time), and she finally made me see a psychiatrist. She explained to me what a severe depression episode with a subsequent psychosis was. I had appointments regularly from now on. Some days later I found myself acting as if in a trance, standing on top of a bridge pillar.
I finally agreed on taking medicine (Olanzapine) starting from that time, which is used for schizophrenic psychoses. This was in January 2014. Gosh, this was a blessing at first! Made me wind down and even slowing down my thinking processes as I like to describe it. Hell, I am still on this shit!
The psychosis has probably faded away by now, the depression is left over and I am fucking fearing schizophrenia to take over. There’s that prodromal phase I am fucking anxious about. I cannot stress this word more. Fuck. Sry for getting too emotional.

 

 

But I started studying since all that settled down. I’m 21, I’m living on my own and I stay in contact with what is most important to me in life nowadays – my family. You know, there’s always a reason for hope, as silly or naïve as this may sound.
Passing on my experience, I hope you will listen to your instinctual warning whenever you might be in danger one day. Make sure to voice how you feel. It doesn’t matter who you’re gonna talk to, but you have to trust this person. I’m making use of a consultation offer once a week at university that is free of cost. It’s done by a psychiatrist I like. I personally don’t think it is necessary to consult a psychiatrist as long as you feel like not surpassing a limit that gets you and others thinking. It was alarming whenever I went too far, you would certainly feel it!
 

I hate that feeling of never being truly happy

Whats up? You know where you can find me if you wanna talk

You're young, gdb, things will always get better.