General Chat / Dating

So back in November I joined eHarmony to try and meet a great girl and start a relationship. At first not much happened. Tweaks to my profile seemed to help as along the way I got more response. Had my first date mid December. She had contacted me and I could tell that she might be a little heavy, but I am not that focused on looks, if they got them that is a clear plus tho. She was nice, but pretty shy and hard to talk to. No mutual interest there.

The next date seemed promising. We had a lot in common and imo had a great time on our date, despise her appearance which featured my two biggest turn-offs. Very high heels, like five-six inches, she is 5-6 and I am 5-11, so they must have been as she was just a touch taller. Also she is a natural brunette, but died her hair bleached blonde, WHY!? Anyways the next day she says that she had a great time, but did not feel any connection. Meh...

The third date, mid January, was with a fellow writer. Good looking girl, but I knew going in she was ultra picky. Again, imo the date seemed to go well. Have not heard from her since...

Late January I was talking to a nice, yet older (31, I am 29) girl from about an hour north of where I live. We had a date lined up, but then I heard from another match. She had almost everything in common with me, it was amazing, yes, even RCT! We talked till 2am one night. The next day I let slip that I had a date with another match. I mean we meet on a dating site, she must assume I was talking to other people right? She did not take that well. At that point I weighted my obtains and cancelled the date with the 31-year-old. That was not easy to do, at that point I saw her facebook page and she was an easy 9/10... Brazilians, just damn! lol. Her reaction was fairly over the top to me canceling, so I felt like I made the right choice. I was supposed to meet the girl I had a lot in common with that Sunday, but that never happened. Maybe because she was still unhappy that I had another date. A week passes, then another week, she says she was sick, so on... 4 weeks now which brings us to around now. I can be patient, but come on. I am not as stupid as Manti Te'o here. Well long story short she says yesterday that she just does not have the time to date and we should just be friends. I mean, why were you on a dating site then?


I just find dating to be a giant pain in the ass. I don't get this shit in general. I honestly feel that your odds with any girl are likely about 1 in 1,000, at best... They just all seem to have unrealistic expectations they want you to meet... Having money does not help, being nice does not help, being good looking does not help, but I guess that won't hurt. I am like 0 for 300 something here at 29. I mean, yeah I have been on dates, quite a few and some with very attractive girls. I just can't seem to get past that and the friends stage. I was quite autistic as a kid, but most people don't normally notice any trace of it now. Not sure, maybe I am missing something because I don't know anyone else as unlucky with women as I am. I hear all the time that I am a great guy and will make a girl very happy some day, but that day has yet to come.

This is pretty much the main reason I have done nothing with RCT in-game since H2H6. It sucks because I have pretty much had great success with everything else I do, yet hit a brick wall here with something that should come naturally to me and does to pretty much every other member of my species.

Well, I think that's all. I needed to let this out in a bit of a rant. I don't do therapy, I mean I used to, but all my therapists ended up moving out of state...

I'll likely try eHarmony again soon. There are a few other girls that there might be a little bit of a chance with, so I'll look into those possibilities soon. I am not as down or depressed by this as you might think. More irritated, but I get along okay.

Any advice would be appreciated.


Feel free to post about your own issues here. I don't want this to be a "try and give Kumba advice" topic.

...Well long story short she says yesterday that she just does not have the time to date and we should just be friends. I mean, why were you on a dating site then?
...

Take the hint, bro.

I just find dating to be a giant pain in the ass. I don't get this shit in general. I honestly feel that your odds with any girl are likely about 1 in 1,000, at best... They just all seem to have unrealistic expectations they want you to meet... Having money does not help, being nice does not help, being good looking does not help, but I guess that won't hurt. I am like 0 for 300 something here at 29. I mean, yeah I have been on dates, quite a few and some with very attractive girls. I just can't seem to get past that and the friends stage. I was quite autistic as a kid, but most people don't normally notice any trace of it now. Not sure, maybe I am missing something because I don't know anyone else as unlucky with women as I am. I hear all the time that I am a great guy and will make a girl very happy some day, but that day has yet to come.

Everyone goes on cold streaks, man. Use the time to improve yourself and never, ever, complain about it to people in your dating pool. Everybody hates the woe-is-me guy. Date the girl who told you that you're a nice guy or have her hook you up.

...

I gave online dating a chance and closed my profile within a few weeks. It's real life dating under a microscope. Low risk, low involvement, and very little follow through as a result. In real life dating you'd look past certain eccentricities because you like the girl or because she's hot, or simply because you've made the investment of your time and so it's harder to just ditch them. In online dating, they throw all that right out there, but certainly never in an honest way, which you know, so you write them off easily, they write you off easily, and everyone complains about how awful dating is. Men do all the first messaging, which means girls get hundreds and hundreds of unsolicited messages from assholes, which makes them less likely to go on dates and less likely to accept profiles that don't fit 100% exactly with what they're looking for. I figure if I'm just going to be doing all the work, I might as well approach girls in real life instead.

I have 0 experience with internet dating, and I don't think internet dating is a necessarily a bad thing, but I can't imagine it's as relaxed and efficient as 'normal' dating (finding girls in real life, or through your social network). Doesn't that work for you? Internet dating shouldn't be the first choice, so what went wrong?

I did take the hint MA, told hear that I understand. She said she hopes that if I am single when she has more time, that we can date. I don't push girls, no point trying too. The girls who say I am a great guy are always with someone and claim to not have any single friends. I wonder about that...

I don't complain to anyone about this. I only bring it up with close friends and sometimes ask for advice or help. I decided to ask here since I normally get advice from female friends and want to hear from males my age who might also be trying online dating.

The girls on dating sites don't get 100s of emails a day. One girl I hear back from was an easy 9.5 to 10. We almost went out, but then she said it was getting serious with someone else and she cancelled our date. Out of curiosity I asked how many emails she got a day and she said just 4-5, so it's not that many, at least not on a top site. I do agree that it makes girls extra picky.

Most of my dates, like 75%, are with girls I meet in person. Normally at school, but now I have graduated so that's out. I joined a co-ed flag football league to meet more people and get some exercise, maybe get two birds with one stone. Maybe that will lead to something.

just put on your profile that you freaking Kumba from ne..

you'll be covered in bitches

^that comment is way more clever than you might think yourself.

i believe it's the exact level of cleverness that i desired to achieve.

The way I see dating and things like that is that if you have time to actually worry about stuff like that and purposely go out of your way to attract girls and find someone then you need to fill that time up with something else. In my opinion, there are many many more important things in life than dating, and when it comes to love, well what better place to meet someone you love than at whatever activity it is you choose to fill your time with, at least that way you know you have something in common other than you've both filled out a form on a website.

I mean I'm not knocking the whole internet dating thing, if it works for people then great, but it just seems to come off as having this pseudo-desperation thing attached to it. I guess it's just my opinion of society and their obsession and phobia of being 'alone' though, which completely goes over my head. I have never once in my life had the mindset of 'I need a girlfriend' or attempted to actually find one, yet I've had quite a few girlfriends for my age by just going about my business and not really caring.


I guess the gist of what I'm saying is don't look for love, let it find you, however cheesy and gay that sounds.

I met my current girlfriend through OKCupid, but she messaged me out of the blue when I was getting ready to close the account because I hadn't gotten a response from any of the messages I had sent out for eight months, and no one had initiated a conversation with me. I wouldn't say I have a ton of experience with trying to meet people through the internet, but the first time I tried it, the girl was absolutely insane, and in the worst ways. This girl is actually really awesome and (semi) normal though, and we've been going out for seven or eight months now. So it can work. I'd try not to think about it too often though. It's more something you just fiddle with in the background every now and then, rather than fervently searching it every single day, desperate.

Jesus...the worst thread to remind me that I'm still single since my ex moved to London lmao

Jesus...the worst thread to remind me that I'm still single since my ex moved to London lmao

Instead of thinking about it as being single, think about it as swimming in money.

just put on your profile that you freaking Kumba from ne..

you'll be covered in bitches

I like this guy.

I guess the gist of what I'm saying is don't look for love, let it find you, however cheesy and gay that sounds.

I've always felt this to be a sound principle. I've had a bunch of healthy and long relationships without really going out of my way to be in them. If things are meant to be, the pieces will fall into place.

Jesus...the worst thread to remind me that I'm still single since my ex moved to London lmao

I got mad feels for you, bro. My girl went to London for a semester and it was the worst three months of my life.

Instead of thinking about it as being single, think about it as swimming in money.

This is actually pretty sound logic. I don't know if I'd say "swimming" but, yeah.

just put on your profile that you freaking Kumba from ne..

you'll be covered in bitches

I don't think being Kumba is quite the same as being Rick James...

I actually did mention RCT on my profile:

As a kid I played the game Roller Coaster Tycoon casually until I found a website with really amazing theme parks. I wanted to make parks like that and now, many years later, that site ranks me #2 in the world. It's my creative outlet. I don't use it much these days, but always try and get back to it when I have time.

Will likely shorten that next time I update it. I know it's pretty nerdy to include that, but RCT was/is been a big part of my life. Getting to be ranked that high is an achievement and something that might make me stand apart from the other profiles they see.

I wouldn't mention that...

Comes off as serious arrogance, which is much worse than it being 'nerdy'.

I was about to post this:
"Tell them you're the number two RCT player in the world."

You beat me to it, yourself.

Comes off as serious arrogance, which is much worse than it being 'nerdy'.

No, actually it does not. It's a fact. Not like I rail on about winning parkmaker of the decade, 5 years of contest wins and a 92.69% design. Even that would not quite be arrogance. Be careful with that word. I really HATE it. Cocky sure, arrogent never. There is a difference.

If you want to include RCT, just list it as one of the things you do in your sparetime among others and maybe (maybe) the creative outlet thing, but definitely not the website thing.

Are you being serious Kumba?