General Chat / Dating

So I meet a great girl at school last October, Emma. She's intellectual, kind, interesting, honest, mature, and much more importantly we hit it off. We hook up once. But, after I let her know I'll be leaving in spring semester to study abroad, she stays in touch but definitely doesn't want to start anything before I leave.

Makes sense.

I meet another girl that December, just before Christmas, her name is Kelsey. After spending just a few hours together at a friend's event I am absolutely hooked on her and vice versa, we leave early and fuck. We're both on winter break and I'm addicted, we see each other just about every single day. She knows I'm leaving soon for Europe, she doesn't care, she sees me right up until the hour I have to get to the airport. She sticks some notes in my luggage for when I get there, saying how she hopes this will still work out when I get back.

I stay in touch with Emma and Kelsey throughout my trip in Europe. I have my fair share of fun, but I still talk to both of them every single day. Emma compliments me in the deepest ways, someone that really listens, someone that loves my mind. Kelsey gets me on the sex appeal, I can't shake how much of a hold she has on me. We don't match up intelectually but every single time we're together I'm a happier person, no matter what we're doing, and she feels the same.

I agonize over this every single day, hoping that eventually one of them will say or do something that makes the choice clear. Never happens. I get back from Europe, they both want to see me but Kelsey asks first, so I see her first. Kelsey asks to make things official, I agree.

I see Emma the next day, we just talk like we always do, and then I break her heart. She says she was waiting for the fall when we both got back to school together. She cries, says she hopes that I'm happy, says she hopes Kelsey knows that she's lucky, says it hurts too badly to not say goodbye right now.

Two years ago I was dying to move on from my ex with pretty much any girl that said yes, and now I just destroyed someone who thought the world of me. In any movie I should've picked her instead. Everyone I asked for advice said the same. I should be happy, I still got a great girl, but I've just felt awful for days, knowingly shut the door on someone I could've spent years with.

Generally if you feel like you've made the wrong decision, you've made the wrong decision.

Saying that though, who knows, if it was the other way round would you feel the same?

If the answer is yes, then ultimately either decision was going to be shitty, but if the answer is no, then you chose the wrong decision, you know it, and its up to you whether to make it right or not.

Sounds like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can imagine that Emma is more suitable as a long term partner. But your feelings gravitate towards Kelsey apparantly, and feelings don't lie. I guess that this is a point in your life where a (relatively) superficial relationship is what you need. I hope you don't feel guilty.

polyamory bby

It depends primarily on what you're looking for in a partner at this time; the partner who would be objectively better in general is still a factor, but less relevant. 

The way you've described these two women, neither choice would be "wrong", but the route you've chosen may make more sense than you currently think it does. When you describe Emma, you list her attributes and how she interacts with you in a way that shows how important you are to her. In contrast, you leave all of that out when describing Kelsey, but you do include how happy she makes you and how you seem to enjoy spending every day with her. It should not be overlooked that you've included a description of how you feel about Kelsey without including one for how you feel about Emma, other than awful that you didn't pick her.

This is not to say that you "should" choose Kelsey over Emma, or the other way around. It sounds as if you like them both, so inevitably you would have had to "shut the door on someone" either way; ultimately it goes back to which one you would rather be with, and it doesn't sound as if you can easily choose one over the other. Going by how they feel about you, Emma clearly does think the world of you, but so may the girl who sticks notes in your luggage, wants to spend every day with you, understands you sexually, and even asks you to make things official the first day she sees you.

So that boyfriend I had is now my fiancé. 

Holy shit! That's incredible, Louis! Congratulations!

CONGRATULATIONS that's really awesome. I wish you guys the best.

Cool, save me some cake.

Way to go, Lou! Congratulations.

Congratulations Louis!

Yay Louis! 

Thanks guys!

Congrats Lewis! Wish you two the very best in your future.

You'll come back to me, Louis. 

Congrats!

So I've had two of my past mistakes send me texts apologizing for their past craziness *this week*.  I'm not responding, though I really want to.