General Chat / Black guy telling black jokes

Unless he was using the word, "God" as a metaphor for religion in general, in which case your interpretation still applies. I'm certainly no philosophical expert, though. You'll have to wait for Ed or Blitz to come around for that shit, which isn't likely to happen in a thread titled "Black guy telling black jokes".

Fucking hilarious response.

Anyways, the newer jokes are down now.

BUT here is the single funniest joke ever told, I have consulted several people and they agree.

It was on the Family Guy episode "Death is a Bitch." Now I know Family Guy might be too basic, nonpretentious and "stupid" for some of you, but this joke is awesome.

Peter is a plane, and goes to the cabin.

The pilot says, "Get out of here. You're not a pilot. I know every pilot in the world."

Not dirty, not disgusting, not racist, but simply the funniest joke ever imo.

I just facepalmed so hard I shattered my skull. I'm going to sue you for damages.

i hope all Canadians aren't like that.

^Trust me. They aren't. My stepdad's Canadian. He's actually funny!

i know a guy from Canada. he's pretty cool.

what happened Kevin. what happened.

Victoria is a beautiful city. Great restaurants, architecture's fabulous. Also lots of asians.

Kevin's right. He's not a retard. He's a fucktard.

Kevin's right. He's not a retard. He's a fucktard.

oh man, this guy's a cool guy.

Alright, I've got a few Christian jokes. (For Kevin, or course. )

This guy walks into a church and goes into the confession booth. "Forgive me Father," he says, "for I have sinned." "How can I help," the Father says. "Well," says the guy, "I've had sex with five different women this past week, and none of them were my wife. What should I do so that God can forgive me?" The Father thinks for a moment and then says, "You must take five lemons and squeeze the juice of those lemons into a glass. Then you must drink the lemon juice as quickly as possible." The guy is confused and asks, "How will that grant me forgiveness?" "It won't," the Father says, "but it'll wipe that fucking smirk off your face!"

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Three teenage girls live in an orphanage run by nuns. Finally, the time comes for the girls to leave and Mother Superior calls them into her office. She says to them, "The time has come and you must leave the orphanage. But you must be careful! There are terrible men out there who will try to take advantage of you. They will buy you dinner and take you places, and then they will take you to their homes or to a motel, undress you, and have their way with you. Then they will give you twenty or thirty dollars and kick you out!" "Excuse me, Mother Superior," one girl asks, "You mean there are men out there who will have their way with us and then give us cash?" "Yes," Mother Superior says, "why do you ask?" "Because the priests only give us candy!"

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A new priest is accepted into a local church and is asked to do his first sermon. He does the sermon, but throughout he is very nervous. After he finishes, the Monsignor visits the priest in his office and says, "I noticed you were very nervous today. I have a tip that I think will help: The next time you give a sermon, put two glasses on the pulpit: one of water and one of vodka. Whenever you feel nervous, take a sip of the vodka." The priest thanks the Monsignor for the advice and decides to try it in his next sermon. During his second sermon he takes a drink from the vodka glass and finishes his sermon with confidence. When he returns to his office, he finds a note from the Monsignor on his desk. It reads:

"-Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
-There are 10 commandments, not 12.
-There are 12 disciples, not 10.
-Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
-Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
-We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
-The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
-David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
-When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
-When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say ,"Eat me."
-The Virgin Mother is not referred to as "Mary with the cherry."
-The reccomended grace before a meal is not:"Rub-Adub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
-Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's."

sorry fullmetal, your jokes suck.

le sigh

just, give up

last joke - shorten the list a little, put first bullet last. then its decent. other than that i agree with the above comments.

I'm a Protestant.

Those jokes did not offend me at all.

When I read "FullMetal telling Christian jokes at Kevin Enns" I thought you were going to do some hardcore anti-Christian pro-offensive-free-speech stuff, the likes of which would fucking piss me off. However, you completely failed, if that was your goal.

You'll have to wait for Ed or Blitz to come around for that shit, which isn't likely to happen in a thread titled "Black guy telling black jokes".

I found it!

hey guys, ever lay your eyes upon this?
http://www.youtube.c...h?v=2vNzz2VMWac

this guy cracks me the fuck up!

Oh, and by the way...

I win the thread with that link.

Peter is a plane, and goes to the cabin.

First of all, how can Peter be a plane, I know he's fat, but honestly, that doesn't make sense, and second of all, how can a plane go into a cabin, that is physically impossible. Another joke that doesn't make sense dammit.

Sorry. Peter is IN a plane. My mistake.

Also this (only watch if you have a very strong stomach and/or are a sick fuck - this is probably the most revolting version I have yet heard).

I will not click your link. I will simply quote this:

Kevin's right. He's not a retard. He's a fucktard.

Christian?

Kevin Enns, You are going to hell.

Spread the news.

Edited by FantastiCo, 19 December 2009 - 12:18 AM.

Yes, do not click the link unless you want to be disgusted. It is a morbid joke.

Well, if I was a retard or a fucktard, then it would not make sense to make fun of me, it would actually be discriminatory. Besides, you think name-calling hurts me feelings?

You really think you are the Judge of my eternal soul? .....okaaay